


Rules of the Game

by loupgarou1750 (LoupGarou)



Series: Daddy's Boy [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chan, Humor, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-01
Updated: 2007-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-04 00:51:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/387848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoupGarou/pseuds/loupgarou1750
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape takes Harry on his inaugural trip to Diagon Alley. Harry proves he's capable of learning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rules of the Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perfica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perfica/gifts), [perverse_idyll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perverse_idyll/gifts), [painless_j](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=painless_j).



> The usual...in spite of tags, no actual sex, just innuendo

It was still three weeks before the start of term and Diagon Alley was blessedly free of annoying parents and their even more annoying children. Mindful of curious gazes, Snape fixed his facial expression into one of sneering disdain. _That ought to keep the nosy Parkers away_ , he thought. It would have made more sense for Minerva or one of the other professors to escort Harry – the objection of passers-by to Severus Snape escorting the Boy Who Lived on a shopping expedition was palpable – but, still annoyed at Harry's presumed sorting into Gryffindor, Snape was damned if he would be parted from the brat until the last possible moment.

Snape looked down at his spawn and scowled. 'Stop skipping. It's undignified. Just because nobody knows you're a Snape is no reason to act like an addlepated Potter.'

'Yes, sir,' Harry said obediently. He managed a modicum of dignity for a good thirty seconds before the brooms in Quality Quidditch Supplies caught his attention. His eyes widened. 'Dad?' Harry tugged on Snape's sleeve. 'Can I–'

Snape glowered down at him, lips pinched into a thin, disapproving line. ' _What_ ,' he hissed, 'did I tell you?'

Harry looked properly chastened. It was a look Snape wanted to grow used to. 'I'm sorry, Daddy.'

Snape's spine rippled with pleasure and he almost smiled before he remembered that was the wrong answer at the moment. He glared at Harry so fiercely the boy flinched away from him. 'Being around James Potter, even for a mere fifteen months, clearly addled your wits. It is otherwise incomprehensible that my superior intellect and your mother's reasonable facsimile of intelligence could have produced such a birdbrained dolt! Stand up straight! I'm very disappointed in you and you can sit in your own lap tonight.' Snape ignored the brief twitch of displeasure coming from his own lap regions. 'We've talked repeatedly about this. What are the rules? In order. Numbered. Recite. Now.'

Hanging his head and shuffling his feet, Harry quietly recited, 'Rule number one: Never give Professor Dumbledore any information whatsoever without first checking with Daddy; this includes the time, the state of the weather, and what Daddy said at tea last Thursday.'

Snape's scowl softened slightly. 'Ah, so apparently you were listening. Go on.'

'Rule number two: Never take candy from Professor Dumbledore as it's likely drugged and could lead to a catastrophic violation of Rule number one.'

Snape nodded encouragingly.

'Rule number three: What happens in the House of Snape stays in the House of Snape, especially where Professor Dumbledore is concerned, when in doubt, consult rule number one.'

'Letter perfect. I'm astounded. Continue.'

'Rule number four: I will tell no one that you're my father, not even under threat of tickling torture, nor promise of pleasures I'm entirely too young to comprehend.'

'And what did you just call me?'

Harry's eyes widened and he clapped his hand over his mouth. 'Whps!' he mumbled through his fingers.

'Whps, indeed,' Snape snapped. 'You're practically drooling over the idea of a sound thrashing; I can tell. Best run down the rest of them before I forget we're in public.'

'Rule number five: Malfoy's may be beautiful, but pure blood does not pure heart make, and always remember they wield extraordinarily small wands and are therefore of no use to any right thinking wizard.'

'Don't you ever forget it, boy.'

'Rule number six: Never ever get within five hundred metres of a Weasley female, or any other red-headed woman unless I'm wearing locking iron underpants.' Harry giggled.

'Don't laugh. That may be the single most important piece of wisdom I ever impart.'

'Rule number seven: Professor Snape hates me but my Daddy finds me marginally tolerable as long as I'm not talking with my mouth full; humming while my mouth is full is perfectly acceptable.' Harry looked up with a frown. 'I don't see why you have to hate me when we're at school. It's not fair and I don't like the idea.'

'Just being around you is torture enough. I don't fancy becoming the whipping boy of a horde of angry Death Eaters. Although I imagine _you'd_ like that well enough.' Snape stared off into space and sighed. 'And I do think you'd look fetching in chains and shackles,' he continued at last in a somewhat wistful voice, then shuddered as if someone had just poured ice water down his back. He looked back down at Harry. 'Don't worry, Potter. I'll only be as intolerable as I absolutely have to be. You'll hardly know the difference. Next?'

'Rule number eight: No matter what Professor Dumbledore tells me, I'm nobody's hero and if I ever go prancing off on a white stallion whilst waving a sword, I'd best be intending to rescue my Daddy.'

'And the last?'

'Rule number nine: Nobody is allowed to touch my wand but me and my Daddy; this restriction includes, but is not limited to, Professor Dumbledore, Mr Filch, Hagrid, Madame Hooch, anyone with the last name of Malfoy, Weasley, Black, Lupin or Riddle, as well as anyone who styles himself Lord anything.'

'I think I've covered all the likely suspects,' Snape muttered. He patted Harry's head. 'That was . . . adequate. As a reward, as soon as we buy you a wand no one can touch, I'll teach you the proper way to lick an ice cream cone. It will be a valuable lesson that can be applied to anything worth licking. Follow me.'


End file.
